Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret [Paperback]

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Paula Rinehart will be the author of Strong Women, Soft Hearts; Superior To My Dreams; and What's He Really Thinking? As an experienced Christian counselor, she divides her time between counseling, writing and speaking to women's groups nationally and internationally. She and her husband have two grown children and are now living in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Chapter 1 A Rose Every Friday 'Our society is filled up with people for whom the sexual relationship is one where body meets body but where person fails to meet person. . . . The end result is that [relationships] lead to not fulfillment but to some half-conscious sense of incompleteness, of inner loneliness, which is really much the sickness individuals time'. Frederick Buechner Carol gathers her clothes over floor, tiptoeing silently around the bedroom in the early dawn, hoping to not wake this man. Snoring in quiet, even rhythm, it will be hours before he gets up. When he can, he wants to sleep until noon, and he or she has a ton of stuff to complete today. Besides, it's much easier to slip back in her place before her roommates awaken---fewer raised eyebrows and sly smiles to contend achievable way. Driving returning to her apartment, Carol muses over how their relationship began. Who ever would have believed that cochairing a political committee would lead to this? They began of the same quality friends, challenging one another's opinions by having an occasional lighthearted jab. But another thing triggered another, and after a few months, she began to stay over at his place. It made for less hassle. How or when or in which the relationship turned sexual, she isn't sure. She just knows she is starting to have feelings just for this guy, knowning that this could be a problem. There are no guarantees in relationships now. How frequently have her friends drilled that into her? 'You just ought to go with all the flow' is the mantra she hears. 'Don't say much; don't request anything. Just listen to it cool and find out in which the relationship goes.' The problem is always that Carol has now performed this twice before. Something cataclysmic is going on within the sexual lives of females today. A breathtaking level of change inside the way men and women relate to the other person has gotten place in a single short generation. The fantastic mating dance which was repeated for centuries has been shortened dramatically. A man plus a woman belong to bed now with no promises made with out expectations that they are able to hold each other. Love and romance take a backseat to the more immediate pleasures of sex, which, in the many forms, may be experienced with no immediately apparent effect on the invisible whole world of soul and spirit. I doubt that even Aldous Huxley would recognize the brave new sexual world we inhabit. As a counselor invited into the inner sanctum of a single woman's life after another, We have the privilege of entering women's lives and hearing their stories. It is a unique perch that to notice the monumental changes taking place. Women from every background---in college and in emerging careers---talk in relation to the challenges they face in the world the location where the vintage road maps between men and women seem like they were drawn in fading ink. In many ways, of course, regardless of aging or background, we all are telling the same story---of losses which are difficult to absorb, fears that keep us awake at night, and dreams that are already incubating in us since i was quite small. But a brand new common denominator exists now---in the lives of younger women especially---a different narrative thread repeated in endless variation. Women's lives are now being shaped by a culture having a sexuality gone mad. Women are paying a tremendous price for the loosening of sexual boundaries---in broken hearts, in lost time, in confused a sense self. Perhaps these voices are recognizable: * Shannon is desperate for a thing that will curb the panic attacks that descend on her behalf unannounced. Her job as being a news reporter will be threatened by these sweaty emotional monsters. Shannon recently separated which has a man named Ben---a great guy she met last year in college and followed on the city, where they both landed their first jobs. She feels bad about starting out sleep with Ben several years ago. It violated her convictions like a Christian, but she developed her own way of justifying their sexual relationship. At least it turned out better than so many women around her. It was no one-night fling--- she and Ben were planning a future together. Two things caught Shannon by surprise. She hadn't anticipated that her growing attachment to Ben can be met with a reaction of his own---she was slowly caricatured since this woman 'with an excessive amount of of the hold on tight him.' The more attached she became, the greater detached he got---until she finally wanted out altogether. And Shannon had no concept that leaving Ben after this investment of herself would feel like a miniature divorce. * Donna says she's got always been sexually curious. Movies she saw in middle school, stories of her older siblings' late-night capers, and easy use of soft porn left her primed for her sexual adventures. Whenever a boy showed interest in her, it was she who upped the ante, moving things to the next amount of sexual intimacy. By the time she left high school, she have been having a good number of guys. Now, in her own second year of college, Donna finally has begun to wonder where her sexual activity is headed. What may be the point? she asks. Why does she feel numb inside---as though her body is disconnected in the remainder of her? Donna watches other couples and wonders if she will ever determine what it feels prefer to use a man love her---just for her. A vague sense of regret and loss she cannot name follows her around. She longs to retrace her steps and locate the innocence of soul she once knew. * Emily's introduction to her sexuality came in the most injurious of most possible routes. Her favorite brother used to slip into her room at night, just as she was turning twelve, where he held her in the arms and fondled her changing body. The bittersweet experience of hating yourself whilst you enjoyed intimacy never meant to be was profoundly ingrained in Emily's psyche. Being dateraped in high school just seemed like an additional act inside a bad play. With the sexual walls in her life broken down, Emily accepted the terms of the inevitable: rapport having a man comes using a sexual price tag. Sex is an element in the dues you pay to maintain the relationship---and she gets had quite several of those. The fog and pain after each breakup leads to 1 poor choice in men after another. Emily feels as though she steps in and from two lives. On Sunday mornings she plays the flute in a worship ensemble. She sincerely wants to follow God, but her sexual life feels away from her control. She can't reconcile her lifestyle along with her beliefs about God. In any direction you turn now, women feel not only the opportunity, but the pressure, to get sexual. I will be sure the checkout lane within your market looks the same as mine. On a day, I can reach for no less than two magazines that will produce the newest tip on how you can 'do' a man---as though sex is assumed between two mature adults, that it is a woman's job to provide the best experience possible, as though a woman should be capable to shield her heart while she bares her body on cue. Although inside Christian community we subscribe to a different vision, we find ourselves swimming inside same cultural soup. We can't help but be affected. I hear similar stories in any part with the country. Once I provide a seminar to varsity women or single women inside the marketplace almost anywhere, they say the same things. 'I was swept into major sexual experiences early on, before I even knew that which was happening.' Women often think that they've sexually traded little items of their soul they cannot get back. 'I was so afraid I'd lose this guy which i felt like I had to have sex with him.' It's tough to hold a line when a woman feels like a guy could get what he wants from three other women if she refuses. Not every trend concerning women's sexuality has been negative, however. Some changes deserve a round of applause--- the validation of your woman's connection with sexual pleasure, the insistence that the woman's life's her own, given to her by God, and not defined solely by her