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Paula Rinehart may be the author of Strong Women, Soft Hearts; Superior To My Dreams; and What's He Really Thinking? As an experienced Christian counselor, she divides her time between counseling, writing and talking with women's groups nationally and internationally. She and her husband have two grown children and live in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Chapter 1 A Rose Every Friday 'Our society is filled with people for whom the sexual relationship is but one where body meets body but where person fails to satisfy person. . . . The result is the fact that [relationships] lead to not fulfillment but to your half-conscious a sense incompleteness, of inner loneliness, which is really much the sickness individuals time'. Frederick Buechner Carol gathers her clothes from the floor, tiptoeing silently around the bedroom within the early dawn, hoping to not wake this man. Snoring in quiet, even rhythm, it will probably be hours before he gets up. When he can, he loves to sleep until noon, and he or she includes a ton of stuff to perform today. Besides, it's better to slip back to her place before her roommates awaken---fewer raised eyebrows and sly smiles to contend with this way. Driving to her apartment, Carol muses over how their relationship began. Who ever would have considered that cochairing a political committee would cause this? They began nearly as good friends, challenging each other's opinions having an occasional lighthearted jab. But another thing generated another, and after a few months, she began to stay over at his place. It generated for less hassle. How or when or in which the relationship turned sexual, she isn't sure. She just knows that they is starting to own feelings for this guy, knowning that this could possibly be a problem. There are no guarantees in relationships now. How often have her friends drilled that into her? 'You just have to go with all the flow' will be the mantra she hears. 'Don't say much; don't request anything. Just listen to it cool and discover where the relationship goes.' The problem is that Carol has recently carried this out twice before. Something cataclysmic is occurring inside the sexual lives of females today. A breathtaking level of change within the way men and women connect with the other person has brought place in a short generation. The great mating dance that has been repeated for centuries has been shortened dramatically. A man and a woman fall into bed now without promises made and no expectations to which they are able to hold each other. Love and romance require a backseat for the more immediate pleasures of sex, which, in the many forms, might be experienced with no immediately apparent effect on the invisible whole world of soul and spirit. I doubt that even Aldous Huxley would recognize the brave new sexual world we inhabit. As a counselor invited to the inner sanctum of one woman's life after another, I have the privilege of entering women's lives and hearing their stories. It is often a unique perch from which to observe the monumental changes taking place. Women from every background---in college and in emerging careers---talk about the challenges they face in a world the location where the vintage road maps between men and women seem as if they were used fading ink. In many ways, of course, regardless of aging or background, we all are telling the same story---of losses which are difficult to absorb, fears that keep us awake at night, and dreams that are already incubating in us since i was quite small. But a brand new common denominator exists now---in the lives of younger women especially---a different narrative thread repeated in endless variation. Women's lives are now being shaped with a culture which has a sexuality gone mad. Women are paying a huge price to the loosening of sexual boundaries---in broken hearts, in lost time, in confused sense of self. Perhaps these voices are recognizable: * Shannon is desperate for a thing that will curb the panic attacks that descend to be with her unannounced. Her job as being a news reporter will be threatened by these sweaty emotional monsters. Shannon recently split up using a man named Ben---a great guy she met this past year in college and followed on the city, where both of them landed their first jobs. She feels bad about starting out sleep with Ben several years ago. It violated her convictions as being a Christian, but she developed her method of justifying their sexual relationship. At least it had been a lot better than numerous women around her. This became no one-night fling--- she and Ben were arranging a future together. Two things caught Shannon by surprise. She hadn't anticipated that her growing attachment to Ben will be met with a reaction of his own---she was slowly caricatured since this woman 'with an excessive amount of of the hold on him.' The more attached she became, the greater detached he got---until she finally wanted out altogether. And Shannon had no indisputable fact that leaving Ben after this investment of herself would feel like a miniature divorce. * Donna says she's always been sexually curious. Movies she saw in middle school, stories of her older siblings' late-night capers, and straightforward use of soft porn left her primed for her sexual adventures. Whenever a boy showed fascination with her, it turned out she who upped the ante, moving things on the next degree of sexual intimacy. By some time she left high school, she have been which has a good quantity of guys. Now, in her second year of college, Donna finally has started to wonder where her sexual activity is headed. What may be the point? she asks. Why does she feel numb inside---as though her body is disconnected from your remainder of her? Donna watches other couples and wonders if she's going to ever know what it feels like to have a man love her---just for her. A vague feeling of regret and loss she cannot name follows her around. She longs to retrace her steps in order to find the innocence of soul she once knew. * Emily's introduction to her sexuality came in the most injurious of all possible routes. Her favorite brother utilized to slip into her room at night, just as she was turning twelve, where he held her in his arms and fondled her changing body. The bittersweet experience with hating yourself when you enjoyed intimacy never meant being was profoundly ingrained in Emily's psyche. Being dateraped in senior high school just seemed like yet another act in the bad play. With the sexual walls in their own life broken down, Emily accepted the terms of the inevitable: a relationship which has a man comes using a sexual price tag. Sex is an element in the dues you pay to maintain the relationship---and she's had quite a couple of of those. The fog and pain after each breakup leads to one poor choice in men after another. Emily feels as if she stages in and away from two lives. On Sunday mornings she plays the flute in a worship ensemble. She sincerely wants to follow God, but her sexual life feels beyond her control. She can't reconcile her lifestyle along with her beliefs about God. In any direction you turn now, women feel not just the opportunity, however the pressure, being sexual. I am sure the checkout lane within your supermarket looks much like mine. On a day, I'm able to reach for a minimum of two magazines which will deliver the most recent tip on how you can 'do' a man---as though sex is assumed between two mature adults, like it is often a woman's job to provide the best experience possible, like a woman should be capable of shield her heart while she bares her body on cue. Although within the Christian community we subscribe with a different vision, we find ourselves swimming within the same cultural soup. We cannot help but be affected. I hear similar stories in a part in the country. After I offer a seminar to college women or single women in the marketplace almost anywhere, they the same things. 'I was swept into major sexual experiences early on, before I even knew the proven fact that was happening.' Women often think that they've sexually traded little items of their soul they cannot get back. 'I was so afraid I'd lose this guy that we felt like I were required to have sex with him.' It's difficult to hold a line whenever a woman feels like a guy could possibly get what he wants from three other women if she refuses. Not every trend concerning women's sexuality may be negative, however. Some changes deserve a round of applause--- the validation of an woman's connection with sexual pleasure, the insistence that a woman's life's her own, presented to her by God, rather than defined solely by her
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